Observations

Do you remember when you used to rest your head on your parent's arm?

Do you remember falling asleep with your head in the lap of your parents' during church?

There have been so many things that I have waited for since I have had Reagan. Him telling me that he loves me. Him giving me hugs. Kisses.

I still have to ask for 'I love you's' and kisses and hugs. But when I do ask for them, I know that he is totally willing to give them out. And I accept that as his personality. When I see him hug a grandparent or aunt or uncle with full-out arms, I am deeply touched at his love for that person. And for those of you reading this who have experienced a "lean in" type of hug compared to a real hug, you know what I mean.

This weekend during dinner, Reagan leaned into my arm and wrapped an arm around it. He leaned his head onto my arm.

I can only take this as love. As a need to be close to me. I didn't ask for it. I was just eating my taco, and he did this on his own.

I've seen him do this to David, and he has done this to me many other times. I think this is the "love" that I expect and want to see from him. The need to be close to us. The need of the warmth. The need of the love coming back to him.

I don't want to imagine this "need" ever leaving him, but as a teacher and as an adult, I know that I won't always receive this type of affection.

My dearest Reagan, please know that I am always here to receive your need and to give out any love that you are willing to take. I will be as close as you need me to be. You are an extension of my being, and we will never be apart.

I love you, baby.