Roller Coaster

Yesterday was Friday. Yesterday was the last day of my summer. And I have been looking forward to starting work on Monday.

But when I told David last night "Today is my last day before I go back to work," something struck me and I added, "Today is my last day of being a stay at home mom."

What?? I just can not wrap my brain around that idea. The identity I have had for four years is changing. And how come I haven't fully thought of this before now? I tend to do that...push things out of my head so that I don't have to think of it 100%. And then when the reality of the situation hits me I am just run over with emotion.

So here I am being very emotional over something that I thought I had dealt with. Most of me is excited about teaching again. Most of me loves that Reagan is going to preschool. Most of me is looking forward to working and having an identity outside of this house.

But the tiny part of me that is scared, sad, and reluctant to change is quite overwhelming right now.

~~~5 minutes later~~~

I just finished talking to David, and he made me feel much better. First of all, he said that although he can't fully understand my feelings, he can understand that I am going through an emotional time. And then he said that I can either be a working mom or a mom who works. He reminded me that as much as he works, his family and being a dad is his most important job. And he said that my identity is not changing...just some of my roles are changing. He's a great husband and friend.

I feel better.

Until tomorrow.

Enjoy the ride!