It Used to be Easier

I'm beat. Exhausted. Overwhelmed.

And obviously, a little whiny.

I can not describe how hard this new phase of my life is. But really. Who wants to hear about that?

I will say that today and yesterday were much better than Monday and Tuesday. I feel like I'm catching up on my To Do list, and that takes a bit of stress off of me. I also don't have to leave the house at 6:08 am tomorrow...more like 6:30...and that makes me feel good.

I miss Reagan very much. I hate not seeing him in the mornings. I feel like I'm abandoning him. Like I am slacking on my Mommy duties and leaving it all for David to do. But what else can I do? I certainly don't want to wake him up before 6am. And I'm 110% positive that David doesn't want me to do that either.

My body hasn't adjusted to the new schedule yet. So although I yearn to be with Reagan when I finally pick him up at 5:45, I am more than exhausted. And I just want to be in the same room with him~~not so much wrestle with him. Luckily he still likes to sit and play with Legos, and my body can handle that.

I just don't know how David has lived this life for 4 years. On Tuesday I woke up at 5:15, and I was at school by 6:30. I left school at 5:30. I picked up Reagan. Made "dinner". Played with the boys for a bit. Started doing school stuff BEFORE Reagan went to bed. Put him to bed around 9:30. Then did school stuff until midnight.

David's schedule is about the same, only it starts at 8am and goes to 3am. Or later.

I didn't think it would be this hard. The great thing is Reagan is doing very, very well. That makes me feel really good.

And I'm really looking forward to this long weekend with my boys.

Ah, Fishy

It is a sad night here. Fishy is now at home on God's kitchen counter in the best aquarium available, I'm sure. Poor little guy. I did everything I could to make him healthy.

Maybe I did too much.

I'm worried about how Reagan will react tomorrow morning. Just yesterday he was showing Fishy things he had made with his Legos.

I enjoyed Fishy...especially the week that he was healthy and happy. Not that he's replacable, but I'm looking forward to finding a new fish.

This time we'll purchase from a fish-specific store. Not Petco.

(raise your glasses)
Here's to Fishy!

One Down, How Many to Go?

I have so many things to share. Like, my son is currently eating a frozen (FROZEN!!) Eggo waffle. With a dyed transformer onto it. Did I mention that it was still frozen?

I just finished my week as a mom who happens to work. And I'm exhausted. If I weren't so tired, I would spell out "exhausted" with hyphens to make my point. But I'm too tired to do that. Things seem to be going pretty well with the family. I'm adjusting to actually doing "stuff". Reagan is adjusting to school life and staying there "alot of minutes". And David is adjusting to waking up way too early. But we're doing pretty good at the adjusting part.

Fishy isn't adjusting as well, but that is another post.

I could blog about how I just completed a week of "new to the district" training. Or how since our school is brand spankin' new we haven't been allowed into the building yet. Or maybe how much information is being thrown at me...although I don't think it is ALL getting absorbed. But what I want to document is:

I LOVE LEANDER ISD. I love it so much, that I want to convert all of my friends that teach to LISD teachers. Tina? Silvia? Megan, one day? This means YOU. There is not a better place to work. LISD expects so much out of its teachers, but it (they) give you every possible support, tool, person to help you to become the best teacher you can be. They know that no one is perfect, and they realize that they don't have all the answers either. But hey, let's work together to figure out WHAT IS BEST FOR EACH STUDENT.

That is what LISD focuses on. Each student. Not each test score. Not each school rating. But each student. Which turns into each teacher. I have never felt so comfortable asking questions as I do in LISD.

On top of all of this support...EVERYONE is so happy! They recognize how great LISD is, and it flows through.

Bottom line: If you're a teacher in the Austin area, come to the bright side!

Roller Coaster

Yesterday was Friday. Yesterday was the last day of my summer. And I have been looking forward to starting work on Monday.

But when I told David last night "Today is my last day before I go back to work," something struck me and I added, "Today is my last day of being a stay at home mom."

What?? I just can not wrap my brain around that idea. The identity I have had for four years is changing. And how come I haven't fully thought of this before now? I tend to do that...push things out of my head so that I don't have to think of it 100%. And then when the reality of the situation hits me I am just run over with emotion.

So here I am being very emotional over something that I thought I had dealt with. Most of me is excited about teaching again. Most of me loves that Reagan is going to preschool. Most of me is looking forward to working and having an identity outside of this house.

But the tiny part of me that is scared, sad, and reluctant to change is quite overwhelming right now.

~~~5 minutes later~~~

I just finished talking to David, and he made me feel much better. First of all, he said that although he can't fully understand my feelings, he can understand that I am going through an emotional time. And then he said that I can either be a working mom or a mom who works. He reminded me that as much as he works, his family and being a dad is his most important job. And he said that my identity is not changing...just some of my roles are changing. He's a great husband and friend.

I feel better.

Until tomorrow.

Enjoy the ride!

Something's Fishy

Not that I don't already have enough mouths to feed (2 dogs, 1 cat, 1 child, 1 husband, myself), we now have a gold fish.

Why do we have a gold fish?

Because we are horrible parents who bribe our child.

For months we have told Reagan that he could have a fish of his own once he started using the potty all. the. time.

Or at Petco last night.

So now we have a fish. In our kitchen. Because it can't go into Reagan's room until he poops on the potty all. the. time.

By the way, Reagan named his fish "Fishy".

A creative one, isn't he?

More Than a One-Liner

Yesterday was ok.

Just ok.

First of all, my first impressions of Reagan's two teachers were not that great at all. PLUS, I wasn't expecting a "first impression" because I thought I had already met his teacher(s). But (1) he went into a different room than I was expecting, (2) two teachers I had never seen before, and (3) neither one of the teachers came up and introduced themselves to me.

On top of that, Reagan was so excited about going into his room and playing! I was glad to see he was excited. But as soon as we walked in, the name-less teachers had him wash his hands so that the class could go into the lunchroom for snack. So David and I left him with this pitiful look on his face. He look defeated. It was heartbreaking.

So I cried all the way home.

And for the first hour or two while I was at home by myself.

This just shows me that no matter how well I know myself, my mom knows me better. Remember how she called me on Sunday night to check up on me? And I was all "I'm fine! I'm looking forward to the three days by myself!!". Ha! A mother always knows...

Here's the happy ending:
(1) Reagan WILL be in the "blue" room with the teacher I had met before. This starts at the start of the school year on August 25th. Right now all the 3 year olds are in one room together since the classes are not full (remember, this is a brand new preschool). He will be in the blue room with the older 3's.
(2) When I picked him up, he was so happy! And he told me he had a great day. Even though one of the teachers told me that he was quiet all day and a bit sad some of the day. Especially at nap. BUT Reagan said he had a great day! That is what is important.
(3) All three teachers came up to me and introduced themselves when I went to pick them up. So all is well.

Nap time is going to be an adjustment for Reagan. He wanted his cup of water with him and for me to lay down with him. That will just take some time getting used to the new nap thing.

As for my day yesterday after the tears, I just cleaned the house. I would have felt guilty if David came home to a disaster area while I had been home all alone. But I plan on keeping the house spotless (sort of) for the rest of the week so that I can enjoy my 2 days of freedom before I start work next week.

All Shook Up

I'm writing this pretty late at night. Even if I were in bed I think I'd still be awake. Because tomorrow is a big day, and I think my emotions would be keeping me up.

Tomorrow is Reagan's first day at his new preschool. And yes, he goes to Mother's Day Out during the school year, but this new school is different. He'll actually spend the whole day there, which is very new in our house.

My mom called this evening to see how Reagan is doing and if he's excited, but I think she may have called more for my well-being. For the most part I am very excited for him, yet a tiny part of me is nervous that he'll have a hard time adjusting. And let me stress that it IS a tiny part of me. He has proved to us over and over lately that he adjusts very quickly to being in new situations.

I am also looking forward to having 3 days this week to myself before I start back to work full time next week.

Here is where I think there will be a problem. I think 2pm will roll around, and I'll be itching to go and pick up my baby from school. I'll be bored. I'll be missing him. I'll want my little companion with me.

Tomorrow is a big day for all of us. It is the first day for this whole family where things will really start to change. It is kind of sad to let go of an old routine, but it is also very exciting to see how our family is growing and adjusting as our little boy keeps moving towards becoming who he is destined to be...

Independence Day...a Month Late

Our July, 4, 2008 was a great holiday weekend. It started out on July 2 with sparklers in our backyard. This was our first year to get things for Reagan to do...like sparklers, spinners, and 3 fountains. He loved the sparklers. The fountains? Not so much. I loved taking pictures with my new camera...experimenting with different settings and such.

The next evening was spent at Brushy Creek Lake park with some friends from our church. There was a wonderful fireworks show. It was so close that we had to lean back during the grand finale!! Reagan was "all done" as soon as it started, but once he covered his ears he was ok.

On the 4th my dad came down to spend the afternoon and evening with us. We met up with David's parents and went to Old Settlers Park in Round Rock for their show. We had a nice spot up on a hill where we saw about 8 different shows going on in the area...in Austin, Round Rock, and in Pflugerville. Reagan watched maybe 3 actual fireworks, and then he proceeded to just run around like a crazy person.

That "crazy person" thing has now lasted for about 4 1/2 weeks. When does that stop??